The trust issue

I don’t want to make money, I just want to be wonderful.
Marilyn Monroe

I wish I could just relax and live by the wisdom of wonderful Marilyn. But I am preoccupied with trust.

Not trusting people but having faith in  life. Having  faith that everything is going to be just fine. I am in a limbo. I just finished the school year. I´ve been an exchange student in the USA since August last year. Now I am preparing to go back home to Iceland.

My daughter finishes her school next week and then we can leave. When I come home I have no job, neither does my husband. We have a place to stay. But there is no economic security. And the task ahead is to trust that everything will be fine. That I vill get some job for the summer. That we will be able to support ourselves.  I could worry. But I have learned that worrying in advance is not getting me any closer to my goals.

So what is left then? 

To let go, and TRUST life

To have faith in life, everything will be fine!

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How do you discipline your child?

When I´m asked about discipline I immediately associate it with punishment.

Join the movement to end child abuse: http://www.1stand.org (© Wikipedia)

How do you discipline your child?

I was asked this odd question  at the doctor’s office today, I did not know what to answer. So I wrote; I don´t understand the question. Then nothing happened. I was just supposed to fill out a form but there was no follow-up. What if I said I lock them up in a dark room, would someone have reacted?

I thought we were supposed to guide our children, not discipline them. Well for me when someone talks about disciplining their children,  I would say child abuse. Both physical punishment and verbal abuse have equally damaging effect.

Many of the adults that have travelled with me on the path of recovery in coda. were «disciplined» as children. They were taught that authority over-writes feelings and you are not supposed to ask questions. Just do as you are told!

My parents generation was raised that way. It was rare in my home. We had to do something terrible to deserve spanking. I ruined my brand new corduroy pants with paint when I was six, that is the only spanking I ever got. I was painting my friend´s grandfather´s boat. I did not really understand the fuss.

But I got yelled at often,  I have six siblings, try to picture the household. I sometimes wonder how my parents kept their  sanity!

All the courses I have taken on bringing up a child teach the same. The message on how to tackle what the child does.

It has to be clear to the child that it is the behavior we want the child to correct. It is not the child we are focusing on, we love our child no matter what.

We are not supposed to teach shame, shame is not good. Bréne says it all, she is expert on the consequences of shame.

Well I have done multiple mistakes when bringing up my children. But I know that the things  I focus on will grow. So the key is to focus on the positive aspects of our beautiful children. Yes! even when they become teenagers and turn into monsters. Our little boy or girl are inside the hormone monster , in a bedroom that looks like a bomb exploded. The little monster needs as much love and understanding as the cuddly six months old.

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Goals for May

As I stated earlier I am going to make updates and reflect on goals made for each month.

My April goals were;

100 viewers pr. day the result was 89

3000 viewers pr. month 2663 was the total!

750 followers Followers accomplished, total followers 763

Pretty impressive or what?

May goals

100 viewers pr. day

3100 viewers pr. month

780 followers

Thank you all for reading, commenting and liking, I really appreciate the effort you are making!

I will start each month by stating my goals for the month, it is of course mostly for me. But it might encourage you too to make goals. If we don´t know what we want ourselves. Who knows then?

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Young women on positive body image

Embrace the variety!

What we can probably all agree on, is that it would be a sad fact if we all were the same.

Luckily we come in all sizes and shapes. But somehow a particular body type has become superior. This is an article on positive body image. It is about what the young women of  Glenbard South High School, did to raise awareness. This is  a group of young women that are campaigning to change the mindset on body image — an insecurity that’s plagued many teens for generations.

We can ask the question, why the skinny is considered healthier. Well there are numerous reasons for it , the first obesity is a huge problem. But the image that a skinny person is healthier than someone who has a little meat on the bones is misconception. Healthy consists of more than weight. It includes how we see our selves and how we treat ourselves. How do we talk to our body?

We should actually be thankful for being healthy every day that we are, because it is not necessary something we can take for granted. So celebrate a healthy body. In whatever size or shape it might come.

Just for fun I want to present this photo of olympic athletes; just to make sure that my message of variety comes across! The sport each one of them is competing in is listed under each athlete depicted.

Twenty something years ago my friend was participating in a beauty contest. Then she used the famous coffee and cigarette diet. Eating nothing and drinking coffee and smoking! YUK…Then we were skinny but NOT healthy.

There is a reason why skinny is not alway´s healthy and the misconception starts with our own image of ourselves.

The body is a temple, treat it that way.

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More gifts coming my way!

I´ve got a flower theme going on!

I got nominated again! This time to the sunshine awards! This is what A Charmed Yogi had to say; Holistic Me – «From nutrition to women’s health to self-esteem, she writes from the heart», thank you, that is very much appreciated.

The Official Rules of the Sunshine Award:

_____________________________________

• Include the award’s logo in a post or on your blog.
• Answer 10 questions about yourself.
• Nominate 10 other fabulous bloggers.
• Link your nominees to this post and comment on their blogs, letting them know they have been nominated.
• Share the love and link the person who nominated you.

______________________________________

The 10 Questions:

1. Favorite color?

Deep green, bottle green

2. Favorite animal?

Fidel, my eleven year old labrador, here depicted resting.

3. Favorite number?

8, because it represents infinity

4. Favorite non-alcoholic drink?

Coffee

5. Prefer Facebook or Twitter?

Facebook

6. My passion?

There are many things I am passionate about, but they all involve a beautiful way of living. Food, art and people.

holistic approach

7. Prefer getting or giving presents?

Better at giving working on the receiving part.

8. Favorite pattern?

waves of the sea

9. Favorite day of the week?

sunday, rest and the anticipation of the week to come, long lazy breakfast

10.Favorite flower?

Freesia, the scent is divine

Who I nominate:

1. 400 days ´til 40, reflection on life and counting down to 40th birthday

2. A detailed house, beautiful interior, rich pictures

3. Dudette here! on vegetarian food and holistic living with a sprinkle of humor.

4  On the search for inspiration, inspirational blog

5..Silentlyheardonce, poetry and thoughts on life

6.Joypassiondesire, Things in life to enjoy and be passionate about

7. Think wonderfulthoughts on Law of attraction and much, much more!

8. Rose (Radient, Open, Strong, Energy) A blog for your inner goddess, love the whole idea!

9. Byzantine flowers, abundance of holistic information!

Thanks again, A Charmed Yogi!

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What is beauty ?

Delicate flowers and fire hydrants!

In light of yesterday´s thoughts on pressure from the marketing industry. I wanted to capture beauty today. I set out to take pictures of beautiful things that I would find on my walk home. I was going to capture all the beauty. And I did. What I did not know, was that I was unconsciously working towards a metaphor for woman’s development as opposed to man´s. It was by accident! I first saw it when I uploaded the pictures. Then it jumped right at me. And yes I had a big laugh!

So who is the little delicate yellow flower? The girl, she is perfect radiant and confident. But the weeds are lurking all around her. But if she is nurtured she will blossom.

She will become this beautiful rich pink bundle of joy! But the road might be bumpy. And she might get disappointed, let down, abandoned, hurt.

If she does not get the nourishment she needs, she will die. Not literally, she might be dead inside. It does not have to mean that it is the end. She might surprise herself and rise. When you least expect it!

She blooms! But be aware she has experience if you are not careful she comes to her defence with her thorns! You are better having her as a friend and a companion.

This one is old age, she is vice, strong and has seen it all. She has earned the right to have an attitude. She is beautiful. Wrinkles,  stretch marks  and gray hair. She has got it all. And bears it proud. But you don´t want to mess with her!

This is the flower within all women. It should be let alone till she is ready to reveal it. It should never be forced. When she is ready she will welcome you. It is the most delicate of all flowers. Be gentle. Treat it with respect and admiration!

Part two, the fire hydrant, not very poetic

It might be because men are simple creatures.

The freshly painted overly eager. Has lack of control and does not know what he is doing.

This one has learned his lessons, the danger is that he gets in the shadow of his family and children. Please bring him into the sunlight and keep him there he´s not fond of the shadow.

In balance with his surroundings. Experienced. Has enough energy where energy is needed. Loyal, standing strong, your best friend.

Did I go overboard?

I had a good laugh and I remembered something.  I sat in a lecture on leadership once. The lecturer was telling us about our subconsciousness. She described our subconscious like an elephant. The elephant knows where we are headed. But the trouble is we are always trying to control the elephant. But the elephant is beyond control.

This photo session of  mine was a reminder to me.

The elephant knows!

Let go and go with the flow, the elephant will lead the way!

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How do you see your body?

Killing us softly?

Jean Kilbourne´s  lecture on body image in marketing. Computer retouching and Photoshop. She has worked in this field for years and is also contributing to Miss representation´s video later in the post.

 

In 500 years what happened to the image of women?

Video on 500 years of women in art, where did we derail? Where did we get the standards of beauty that we hold today?

 

Where does it all end?

Video from Miss representation, a must see for all parents. Average American teenager is exposed to media 10 hours and 45 minutes every day! Girls get the message that the most important thing is how they look. It does not matter what a woman accomplishes. It all comes down to her looks.

Why do I care?

I have two daughters, I want them to be valued on their talents and skills not their looks. I want them to have healthy body image. I thought I had a positive body image untill, I had a terrible moment of truth when I got married. I was in a state of shock when I saw the wedding pictures. My mind had been diluted by the image of how I should look. And I was greatly disappointed with the pictures. I  saw a flat chested woman with a small head and huge calf’s! It took me six months to get used to the photos, now I like them very much. But I had no idea how polluted my mind was until I had this experience.

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I´m blushing..another award!

Second award!

Dudette here! nominated me to the creative blogger award , and I am truly thankful! This is what she wrote;

Holistic me: an absolutely beautiful blog with a holistic approach toward health and well-being, superb information and very inspirational,

Aww thank you!. I really appreciate the award, it is like a vitamin boost.

The Kreativ Blogger Award works in a similar way to a chain mail, in that if you are nominated, you then nominate seven other blogs for the award in order to accept.

To those I nominate (and for everyone else), here are the rules:

• Thank the nominating blogger and provide a link to that blog
• Spread the love by nominating seven other bloggers, including their links
• Tell your readers seven things they may not already know about you

So, here are seven things about me:

1. I am currently writing my first play
2. I want to celebrate my 50th birthday walking the pilgrim road to Santiago de Compostela.
3. I love skiing
4. I had a very brief model career, including cover photo and runway appearance in bikini after I already was mother of three.
5. My favorite instrument is the trumpet.
   Maria Callas in my favorite singer and favorite diva
6. I finished my first novel in November and I´m rewriting it
7. I am a red cross volunteer

And my nominees for the Kreativ Blogger Award are (in no particular order!):

1 Influence versus control inspirational blog that puts things in perspective.

2. Along the Tao, spiritual blog.

3 .K.abc Food and photography, need I say more?

4. Anne Sture Tucker, blog on holistic approach.

5 .Subhan Zein Beautiful stories of life.

6 Tip Interior, tips and trend on interior design, rich with beautiful photos

7 Looking to the sky, spiritual and inspirational blog

Thank you again, Dudette for remembering me!, and for the nomination!!!

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Why is it difficult to ask for help?

Is asking for help a sign of weakness?

For a long time I thought so, where I got the idea from, I have not figured out yet. It might be the pressure of measuring up, to man up!     I don´t know. But the inability to ask for help or assistance is a contributing factor to how careful I have to be now. When I finally gave up and learned to ask for help I also had to learn to say no.

The asking for help part came in small steps I started to be realistic, not lifting heavy things, asking someone stronger to do it for me. Sometimes I felt like an idiot at work asking the men for help, but no one ever  said no. When I asked for help there were two possible answers yes and no so how bad can It be?

no! short but powerful word.

The other lesson , the harder lesson was how to say no. I am still laughing at the poor old guy that was trying to cut the line and get in front in the bakery . I was very loud and clear and a little rude maybe, explaining to him I was next and he was cutting the line. This was when I was beginning to say no and  learning to say no.    I was and still am a little clumsy. I even invested in a company against my better knowledge.The most expensive act of codependency in my life!

But I have to ask ,what is the lesson?

what lesson can I take from almost loosing my health because of my inability to ask for help and say no?

I learned the lesson that taking on what others want me to do is not always in my best interest. I have to make choices that are good for me not colored with what others want me to do. That can both be pressure from my work and  family.

I learned to listen to what I want without the buzz from the surroundings telling my what was best or right. People can give you advice left, right and center but you and I have the freedom to ignore the advice. The lesson I think is the hardest. Is how  to say no lovingly. Being able to say no without the anger and resentment attached to it. That is the tricky part. An I am practicing it every day.

It is a process one day at a time, with care and love for yourself as a guide. If you are not able to love yourself. How are you going to love others?

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Why holistic?

What exactly is a holistic approach?

For me it means balance. Keeping balance in my life. I have had periods that I have eaten poorly, deprived the body of nourishment and fed it with sugar and coffee.

There are times that I have been emotionally absent from my family and put all my energy into my work. Borderline  workaholic, if you like. I have had moments when neither home nor work was a good place to be. In other words I was depressed.

In this post I am trying to explain what the holistic approach means to me. I dug up some links that I have found helpful and pictures that I have taken from other web sources but I have linked back to the source. The five elements of holistic approach are explained in the picture below.We need all of the elements to harmonize ,in order to feel whole. Ergo feel well, in the state of Well-being.

picture taken from wendytran.com holistic website

We know that exercise and nutrition contribute to our well-being but did you know that meditation and relaxation play as important role?

We need rest, exercise and nourishment to keep the body «machine» working but the mind  also needs rest, meditation unwinds us from stress. Stress in a contributing factor to many dis-eases of the body.Stress is a modern society health threat.Stress increases the PH value in the body. If the PH value is high we are more likely to get sick, than if the PH value is balanced.

The five pieces of our cake

Relationships Our relationships matter, it means that the people in your life can not be draining you of energy. In order to have balanced relationship, you will have to find a way to stop letting people robbing you of your energy. The weird thing is that we often have draining relationships in our immediate family. It is worth working on because these are the people you can usually not just stop seeing.

Career We tend to get absorbed in our work. But we can not let it overrides everything else in our life. I have tendencies to get too wrapped up in the things I am doing. Sometimes it would drain me of all my energy and when I came back home there was just the shell left. I was deflated for energy from my work.

Spirituality We need to have some refuge, it does not matter what name we put on it. If it is a higher power or if we practice meditation. We need a break every now and then. To tune down and reconnect with ourselves. I find it helpful to study the balance of my chakras.

physical activity The best we can do for our body is just do 30 minutes a day of exercise. We need to run the machinery so it won´t get rusty and stiff. Walk, ride a bicycle. Find a steep hill and walk up it. Go to the gym. Whatever suits your rhythm and preference.

Nourishment We need good balanced diet and plenty of water. Water is the base. Food is a big part og our lives. It´s the hardest part to keep balanced. Our cravings can tell us la little about our imbalances, on mind-body green  there is a summary of food cravings and the source for the craving.

There are holistic resources like the holistic health library that have information regarding all parts of our holistic living.

The thing is there must be balance between the ares of our lives. Look at it as a cake , is just one cake. You are it. If work is too big of a slice the others are smaller. The cake is not getting bigger. There are 24 hours in a day. You need to divide them wisely. for you.

I find the chakra Wisdom helpful in understanding the balance. Here is a chakra wisdom from sspirituality and self-help . The seven chakras are explained. This blog for example is my way of regaining strength in my throat chakra. The chakra that deals with self-expression and communication.

Seven chakras meditation has an online support of the chakra well-being and some useful tips.

Illustration of the 7 Chakras © Wikipedia

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