Tag Archives: Parent

How do you discipline your child?

When I´m asked about discipline I immediately associate it with punishment.

Join the movement to end child abuse: www.1sta...

Join the movement to end child abuse: http://www.1stand.org (© Wikipedia)

How do you discipline your child?

I was asked this odd question  at the doctor’s office today, I did not know what to answer. So I wrote; I don´t understand the question. Then nothing happened. I was just supposed to fill out a form but there was no follow-up. What if I said I lock them up in a dark room, would someone have reacted?

I thought we were supposed to guide our children, not discipline them. Well for me when someone talks about disciplining their children,  I would say child abuse. Both physical punishment and verbal abuse have equally damaging effect.

Many of the adults that have travelled with me on the path of recovery in coda. were «disciplined» as children. They were taught that authority over-writes feelings and you are not supposed to ask questions. Just do as you are told!

My parents generation was raised that way. It was rare in my home. We had to do something terrible to deserve spanking. I ruined my brand new corduroy pants with paint when I was six, that is the only spanking I ever got. I was painting my friend´s grandfather´s boat. I did not really understand the fuss.

But I got yelled at often,  I have six siblings, try to picture the household. I sometimes wonder how my parents kept their  sanity!

All the courses I have taken on bringing up a child teach the same. The message on how to tackle what the child does.

It has to be clear to the child that it is the behavior we want the child to correct. It is not the child we are focusing on, we love our child no matter what.

We are not supposed to teach shame, shame is not good. Bréne says it all, she is expert on the consequences of shame.

Well I have done multiple mistakes when bringing up my children. But I know that the things  I focus on will grow. So the key is to focus on the positive aspects of our beautiful children. Yes! even when they become teenagers and turn into monsters. Our little boy or girl are inside the hormone monster , in a bedroom that looks like a bomb exploded. The little monster needs as much love and understanding as the cuddly six months old.


The adult time

It may sound like I am writing about something dirty. But no , nothing like it.

Spring brake is almost over. Life will be back to normal on Monday. It is like this every vacation. My «grown up time» shrinks along with the fragility of my mental health. When I  had three kids in the house I discovered that if I did not get at least two hours , before I went to bed.,As a «ME» time. I was going to be drained the day after. I needed this time desperately to gather my self and recharge. And every time there is a change in the program. The routines got messed up. I think the expectations of parenting are that we are super happy and patient all the time. It is however not realistic. If a parent puts himself/herself always in the second place it is going to catch up eventually.I was confronted by a nurse once, she reminded me why it is made especially clear in the safety routines of an airplane, that adults travelling with children put the oxygen mask on first and then assist the children.

It is a good metaphor for parenting, if we are not in shape we are not going to be there for our children either.